If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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