That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im holly from the hills drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
