The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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