He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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