My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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