At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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