It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
