Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
