She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
