If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
