fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
