Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
