have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
