Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
