They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
