I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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