$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
