I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
