Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
