Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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