just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
