I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
