Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
