My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
