Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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