Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
