When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
