i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
