Well apparently he's into motor boating.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
