when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
