i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
