and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
