i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
