So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
