The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
