it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
