Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
