I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
