I'm jealous of your bromance
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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