Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
