I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
