I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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