They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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