Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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