What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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