i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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