i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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