I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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