Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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