what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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