just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
